DoritoClan's: The Doorway To Desire! (TM) (source)
Hello, you manlets. I hope your ready for a fanfiction that is going to change your life. If you had one, anyway. Too bad you're dead! Anyway, here's the prologue.
PROLOGUE ~ PROPHECY OF GOD'S DESIGN
All of Starclan gathered around a mysteryious red object on a stand. ThunderStar peered into the goggles at the top and his tail flicked in intensity.
"ThunderStar, do you see something?" said a blue molly with a greyed muzzle and large blue orbs.
Another cat, a tom the color of fire padded over. "Is it a prophecy?"
A third cat a brown tabby meowed "I hope its something good..."
ThunderStar yanked his head out of the goggles. "Can someone else try? I cant see jack shit. It's all just red and black and I have a headache because of it -_-"
"Ok." said the molly who proceeded to do that. "I... Oh. Your right, this is barely visible. So much for all hail the Virtual Boy!"
The tabby said "Maybe its the batteries, BlueStar. I'll go get blueStar batteries." He left the clearing.
BlueStar suddenly tensed up. "Hold on... i can see it..."
The clearing fell silent.
"The past and the present will become future and the doorway to desire will be opened. But don't drop your gaurd because in the darkness the... Darn i cant make out the rest."
ThunderStar stood tall. "Then all we can do is hope for the best."
Meanwhile, LoveSong, the medicine, cat, of DoritoCclan looked up at the stars. "Oh shit."
You better enjoy my fanfiction! Or you get no more breathing! Think about that for a bit and consider your choices!
Whats up manlets? I hope you enjoyed NOTHING. You can, only enjoy Doritocan. Time for it!
I released this chapter early, because the prologue is small. But rest assured, youwill join DoritoClan.
CHAPTER FIRST ~ GO GO GADGET GET OUT OF HERE
In a twoleg garden, a small white kitten was asleep. Then she woke up. "Oh shit, Christian god! Why did I sleep out in the snow all night when, it was blizzarding and i could've gotten a nice rest in front of a warm fire?"
Her housemate, who was black and white with silver eyes jumped from the fence and said "Because, you just fucking love that taste of adventure! 8I"
"I do?" she mewed flicking her tail with surprise.
"Yeah! In fact, I believe that you should go out into the forest and have an adventure. (and never return)"
The smaller kitten glanced to the side. "I don't know, Chunky, I think that would be a terrible idea. I could die out there."
Chunky licked her ear comfortingly. "Listen, Frosty. All cats die someday and I think its better if you were a part of that, and By that i mean you should live your life to the fullest!"
Frosty toiled over it... "Okay... You've really inspired me but, I dont know. I like life here with our housefolk and plus, I get spoiled silly. Like, can you believe it? I'll think about it i guess but i don't know!"
"Well, don't fucking take forever."
"Take as much time as you need!"
Frosty gone through the cat door to chew kibble. As she entered, she noticed her housefolk wasn't there. "Guess he's wherever he goes for most of the day." she thought before eating a lot of cat food.
She thought again about Chunky's suggestion. "If i lived in the forest i'd eat food that isn't kibble..." she thought. "But. I fricking love kibble... Am I ready to give that up?"
Just then she passed out and in the dream dimension she found herself... In the forest! WhiSh waS Frightening.
"Augh, this is really giving me the jitters..." she said. "The heeby jeebies..." she continued. "The shakes."
Her sentience got cut off by a VOICE saying: "Dear warrior Cat god, STOP that."
"AAAAAHHH WHO'S THERE?" YOWELD FROSTY HER PELT STANDING ON END. SHE TURNED AROUND AND STANDING BEFORE HER A FINE MUSCLED MOLY WHO WAS BLUE!
"Oh um. The past and the present will become future and the doorway to desire will be opened. But don't drop your gaurd because in the darkness the. There will be something notgood!" After saying this the blues she-cat shriveled into dust like a prune.
"Thats really gross! Dont do that again :(" chirped Frosty. Unfortunately, she, ,too, dissolved! Then she woke up.
"Ok. I think that settles it. I'm going into the forest... Weather I like it or not."
Later, it became night. Her house folk was going to be back soon. "I guess it's now. Or never." said the light furred kitten to herself. She padded through the cat door and noticed Chunky on the fence. "Chunky, I'm leaving."
"Oh thank god! Anyway, have a nice life! Don't die lmao :)"
"Ok. Before we go, Chunky we need to talk. It kind of feels like you have an ulterior motive? Maybe i'm just being skittish..."
"Yeah. you're just really anixous to go out into the wild. You'lll be fine now GO!"
Frosty thought for a bit. "I guess you're right. Maybe I should bring something from home so I don't get homesick."
"Ok. wWhatever just hurry up."
Frosty walked back into the house and looked around. She noticed a copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf For Nintendo 3ds. "I don't think my housefolk is going to miss this." she thought to herself before tucking it into her fluffy fur.
After saying bye to Chunky one last time, she jumped over the fence and darted into the woods. "Oh no i already hate this." she said, as 14 consecutive monsters tried to run her over and 35 owls attempted to snatch her up. "M-m-m-m-m-m-m-maybe i can go back?"
Before she could even think much about it she heard a DOG BARKING and that scared you immensley if you couldn't tell. I meant her that was a typo, Fitcoin isn't real.
Frosty scampered in the opposite direction of the sound, but she heard claws scrabbling on the ground which meant that the dogs were going AFTER HER! "Okay YEAH I THINK CHUNKY WANTED ME DEAD AND I THINK ITS GONNA WORK BECAUSE HOLY COW!"
She kept running as fast as her legs would take her, but the dogs behind her just wouldnt seem to give up! The white kitten as getting really tired and she thought "Can this get any worse?"
And it did! Ahead of Frosty as a cliff! And there a no other way out other than to face the dogs! She just barely stopped herself before she slid off... It looked like the end!
"If i'm going to die... I'm gonna die fighting..." she gulped and unsheathed her claws... BUT THEN A BUNCH OF OTHER CATS APPEAREDS AND BEGAN TO FIGHT THE DOGS!11!1!1!1!1!1 The dogs ran off.
"Are u ok?" asked a glittery purple and rainbow spotted shecat with golden eyes. She also had a blue crest but it was covered in dog blood. "You look barely 6 moons... That dog could've killed you good for sure!"
"I' "Yeah and had we not been here, that dumb kittypet would be dogmeat! :(" Hissed another cat who looked about Frosty's age who had dark gray fur and black and red wings and red eyes.
The cat who appeared to be the leader of the group gave a stern glare to the younger one. "CrossPaw, theres no need to be so hostile." He had silver tabby fur and rainbow paws and viridian eyes. "But, yeah, you are a kittypet so you're not really supposed to be on our territory."
"Your... Territory? Who are you?" mewed the frightened Frosty.
"I am ColorfulFoot of Doritoclan. This is my apprentice CrossPaw, and my clanmates MoonMiracle and CocoaPaw. Again, I ask who you are and why you're on our territyor."
"But, you didn't ask..."
"Stop stalling kittypet!" hissed CrossPaw.
"CrossPaw," unhappily meowed ColorfulFoot. "They cant tell us if you keep interrupting."
SUDDENLY... FROSTY DROPPED THE copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf For Nintendo 3ds TM. "Yikes!" she screamed.
The hostile apprentice squinted. "What is that?"
Just then ColorfulFoot's eyes widened. "Holy damn, is that a twoleg video game? Do you play this game?"
"U-u-um... Yeah... q-q " said Frosty embarased. "I know its not call of duty or anything but, please dont bully me..."
"ColorfulFoot... LoveSong told you about the prophesy too right?" Meowed MoonMiracle. The other cat noded in response, shock in his face. "I got a feeling... inside my bones... it goes electric wavy when i turn it on... This must have gotta be the Prophesied Cat! Late's kidnap them!"
"O_O Uh oh!"
ColorfulFoot sighed. "I'm sorry, kittypet, but you're going to have to go back to our camp with us... We won't force you to stay, (im lying) but we feel like this needs to be brought up to our leader."
"WHAT?" And they went. The cats traveled through undergrowth and bushes and rivers and clouds and beaches and oceans and caves. Frosty uneasily looked over at CocoaPaw. "Um Why haven't they said anything? Can they not speak? ?"
"CocoaPaw is shy around new cats but, once you get to know them they're really kind. MoonMiracle is their mentor." Colorfulfoot's voice suddenly became REALLY intense and scary. "...Do Not be mean to them." Then he went back to normal, like nothing happened.
Frosty heard the other apprentice mutter under his breath "CocoaPaw is stupid..." but she didn't say anything about it.
Eventually after what felt like one billion hours of walking they reached the camp. "Phew... It felt like i was walking for one billion hours!"
"It's been ten minutes." hissed Crosspaw
Frosty looked around. The clan camp was SCARY! There were cats EVERYWHERE as well as Video Games, and junk food, and poorly made chipmunk music BLARED! "Oh no i already hate this" She thought she heard ColorfulFoot mumble something, but she couldn't make it out.
"Okay CrossPaw, and CocoaPaw, and, Moonmiracle you explain whats going on to any cats who ask, but please be vague so we don't reveal government secrets." whispered ColorfulFoot, before leading Frosty into a giant den in the back of the camp. It was covered up by ferns.
Frosty walked into the den to see an ominous blue cat with a red green blue and yellow flag pattern all over his pelt. ColorfulFoot's stoic demeanor wavered slightly facing the leader. "Windowstar," he began, before being interrupted.
"Colorfulfoot. You were on patrol. What happened to said patrol? And who is this intruder?" meowed Windowstar, his voice deadpan. "They have a collar. I hope you have a very excellent reason for bringing a kittypet here. We are all well aware of what happened last. time."
The gray tabby hesitated. "This... This kittypet has qualities I believe you would be interested in. "
"Give me a good reason to be interested, deputy."
"Gaming related qualities."
"...Oh?" Windowstar did not shift his gaze. "Tell me, kittypet."
"UM UHH FRICKING UH... HOLY SMOKES! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SPRING THIS ON ME SO FAST! I! UM, IM JUST A REGULAR DUDE, IM NOT SPECIAL! T_T" FROSTY.
ColorfulFoot nudged her. "Show him the cartridge."
"Oh okay." Frosty set down the copy of Animal Crossing New Leaf For Nintendo 3ds TM.
Windowstar inspected it for an uncomfortably long amount of time. "You are the cat of the prophecy Lovesong spoke of, then. How. Disappointing."
Frosty's ears dropped "Huh? :("
"You seem incredibly nothing-like." ",...Oh well. What is your name?"
The fluffy kittypet shrunk back. "U-uhh... I'm Frosted Paws, Frosty, For short,"
"You are now appointed the name Frostedpaw. Your mentor is Angelfire. Do not disappoint us more than you already have." Turned to ColorfulFoot. "...As for you. Do not pull this again. Otherwise, your deputy-ship will be in jeopardy."
ColorfulFoot dipped his head. "Y-yes, Windowstar." He signaled for FrostedPaw to leave the den as he left. She happily obliged.
MoonMiracle greeted them when they left the den. "How did it go?" She asked. "I mean, i know how...fastidious our leader can be."
"I have no fricking clue whats going on DX!" replied FrostedPaw. "I'm FrostedPaw now I guess!"
"Oh. Burnt pizza rolls. We didn't explain anything about clan life or even our clan name. holy smokes!" Panicked ColorfulFoot.
MoonMiracle chuckled and sighed. "Oh ColorfulFoot what am I gonna do with you... Ok, i'll try to put things shortly FrostedPaw."
"You are now... A member of Doritoclan! (A clan for gamers)"
"What does that mean though .-." mewed FrostedPaw confusionedly
"IT'S JUST THE RAVERS FANTASY!" MEOEWED A SUDDEN VOICE BARELING INTO FROSTEDPAW "WAIT OH NO!11!1!1!1!"
MoonMiracle seemed to be restraining saying anything. ColorfulFoot was too busy crying (Authors Note: Because He's A Manlet!)
"Please WHO are you all!? T_T" said FrostedPaw.
The red furred cat with orange markings like explosions imeediatley got back onto his paws. "Oh i forgot 2 introduce myself! Sorry... i'm WrathPaw! XD I'm another apprentice and my mentor is SoulWish! We're gonna be denmates... Maybe even BFFZ! :3"
a complete random person appeared. "Maybey even lovers... O11o"
"Fuck off Evilpaw"
FrostedPaw ignored that as to not lose it. Okay, as afraid as i am, that is one of the first things here that have made sense. What does this entail though?"
"Hm... o3o... Well DoritoClan's our territory... We hunt and fight... We game... And i think there was something about protecting our clanmates? lol idkz!"
FrostedPaw tilted her head. "But... who do you fight? Honestly, I wouldn't think anyone else would be crazy enough to live in the forest at this point."
"Well, there are 3 other clans... Rite now we're all at war though XD ANYWAY The clans are Shatterclan Obseleteclan and Sexyclan but we hate them."
"...Do i even want to know?"
MoonMiracle padded over to FrostedPaw and lightly tapped her with her tail. "It's okay if you don't actually want to join the Clan... I'd completely understand your decision. But just think about why you came here, before you do anything."
"Hm..." thought FrostedPaw. "I think if i go back Chunky will kill me. so, I Guess I'm staying!" she said that word for word.
"You don't wanna know."
MooMiracle blinked. "Ok anyway, WrathPaw since you don't have anything to do, you and CocoaPaw can show the new apprentice around." After saying this MoonmMiracle padded away."
"OKAY :D" Yelled WrathPaw. Meanwhile CocoaPaw didnt even notice what MoonMiracle said because they were looking at some flowers. Before speaking to them, WrathPaw spoke quieter. "Coco, we gotta introduce Frosty 2 the clan and show her stuffz!"
CocoaPaw turned around. "O-oh okay." they stuttered. Their voice was unemotional.
"Coco's a bit shy..." said WrathPaw to FrostedPaw. "Its not their fault though. Their rlly cool and nice when u get 2 knowz them..." the apprentice trailed off seemingly lost in thought. "OKAY LETZ GO! XD!"
First they went to a pile of doritos and mountain dew. Cats were eating and playing arcade games. "Thats the fresh kill pile! :3 Our clan founder DoritoStar discovered that if consumed in a special way, it could sustain a clan better then any prey!"
"...Dare I ask what the special way is?" FrostedPaw asked rheitorically.
"Absorbed through the skin."
"...Okay. Clearly it is time to move on! :'D" But, before they could leave the general area, cats noticed Frostedpaw!
A pink tabby with heart markings on her face said "Oh, ColorfulFoot told me about you! You're the new apprentice?"
Another tabby who was brown with red eyes and long claws groaned. "Are we really stooping as far as to bring kittypets into our clan?" He spat at the ground, like a big whiny tool.
CrossPaw did a spit-take. "WE DID WHAT?"
Another apprentice with an arcade carpet fur pattern and a joystick tail gasped. "WHAT? NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WAS ANOTHER APPRENTICE! D="
FrostedPaw awkwardly stumbled over her words. "Uh- u-m uhhhhhhhello o-o" The other cats crowded around her.
"PLEASE BY MY MERCHANDISE!1!11" yelled a multicolored quiltlike cat. "IM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
A golden tabby with sunset eyes said "I wonder who their menter is?" to a light blue tom with yellow swirls and yellow swirly eyes. "Oh, i hope i get an apprentice..."
A pink fluffy tom with rainbow stripes and yellow and green spots said "We should party! ^w^"
"Does no body remember last time...?" muttered a purple cat with light purple splotches
"OKAy GUYZ I WOULD LOVE 2 PARTy AS WELL BUT WE GOTTA INTRODUCE OURSELFS FIRST! And One at a time plz o.o" said WrathPaw. FrostedPaw silently thanked him.
The pink tabby stammered embarassed. "Oh sorry! :( Im bad at introducing myself... but anyway Im SueShimmer! I hope you like the clan!"
"Thank you, I really dont." meowed FrostedPaw.
":( OH, by the way those are my mates DiscoWhisker and PoisonClaw over there." she pointed her tail towards the fuzzy pink tom and the purple splotched warrior. "And over there's my brother SunSparkle!" s!he said pointing to the golden tabby who walked closer upon hearing his name.
The aforementioned tom tilted his head. "so... uhh... not trying to sound rude, but why did you join?"
"Oh shoot, why DID i join?" realized FrostedPaw to herself. She remembered Chunky's words. Because you just fucking love that taste of adventure!
"Had no choice! She mewed."
SunSparkle sighed. "Oh... thats too bad..." he said sadly. He quietly then mumbled "what else's new..."
"What? I couldn't fricking hear you."
"Oh, UM- Nothing O_O" He spun around. "Over there's one of the best warriors in the clan Swirlynose! Everybody loves him because he's super cool! He's also really nice and supportive and... the most popular in the clan..." SunSparkle trailed off.
"Are you like. Okay?" asked FrostedPaw. "You seem kind of depressed?"
Both the brown tabby and the carpet tabby from earlier suddenly burst through the crowd. "OK, WHATS THE MEANING OF THIS?" they both said at once.
"WHO authorized a KITTYPET to be allowed in DORITO CLAN?" shouted the tabby.
"WHY'D nobody tell ME there'd be another APPRENTICE?" shouted the walking bowling alley rug.
"Uh that was ColorfulFoot..." SunSparkle only realized he essentially threw the deputy of the clan under the bus when it was too late. "Oh fuck, wait, forget i said anything."
"WELL, TOO BAD I'M GOING TO ARGUE WITH HIM!" the tabby tom left.
WrathPaw whispered "That was TearClaw... He's abrasive but i knoe he's actually a softeh deep down :3"
Out of nowhere CocoaPaw said "Oh fuck, ArcadePaw, hows it going! I've been meaning to ask you but... Whats Updog?"
ArcadePaw suddenly looked like this. :-l "Um. Coco, I hate to say this but... that's, not how you do the joke."
"Joke? What are you talking about?"
FrostedPaw said. "I don't get it."
ArcadePaw quickly moved to change the subject. "Oh its nothing. Anyway welcome! We're gonna be denmates! :D"
"OK, so wait all apprentices have mentors right? Whos yours?"
The other apprentice stood proudly puffing out his chest. "Only the best warrior, Swirlynose! :D I dont mean to boast but I think i've got it pretty good!"
CocoaPaw glanced away at this comment. "Hahah... Yeah... u.u"
"Hey Coco u alrite?" asked WrathPaw.
"U-uh yeah,,, no need to worry about me,,,,,,"
"Well if u ever have a problem u can talk 2 us bcuz we're ur FRENDZ! We care about u!"
"Yeah,,, but,,,,,, I-i... I just,,,,"
FrostedPaw clipped "Im New and What Is This"
"Oh heckshoot, we were giving you a tour of the camp weren't we?" realized CocoaPaw.
"I think I've got the gist of it."
"Well then... HOWZ ABOUT WE PARTEH!1!1? :3" meowed WrathPaw.
The new apprentice thought for a bit. "You know what? Yeah ok lets do that"
"FUCK(Authors Note: Im sorry about this. There was no strikethrough) YEAH!" Shouted DiscoWhisker. "NOTHING BUT GAMING, MOUNTAIN DEW, AND KEVIN MACLEOD - EXHILARATE AT INHUMAN VOLUMES, BABY! DAMN GROOVY!"
And that was exactly what happened.
Big chapter for the first episode but, I think it was great. Comment if you think otherwise.
Hello Again you Wimpy Manlets. I'm sure you all couldn't wait to see the horrors of this clan. Here it is. (We were on hiatus for a long time but we're back now.)
EPISODE II ~ THE MOST SCHADENFREUDE (I think this word means "Manly." Followers?) ADVENTURE OF THE PLANET
FrostedPaw woke up. It was morning and she remembered the previous night. "Oh FRICK I still haven't met my mentor because we were partieying all night..."
She heard the now familiar voice of ColorfulFoot from outside the apprentice den. "And the dawn patrol will consist of PatchworkPelt TearClaw DiscoWhisker and VioletMorning and Sunsparkle. Dismissed. -_-" He emoted stoicly.
Just then WrathPaw ran over to FrostedPaw. "GOOD MORNING! :D TODAY WILL BE OUR FIRST DAY AS CLANMATES!"
CrossPaw grumbled "Ugh, Can you be quiet? I'm busy being murdered in my sleep."
"REALLY? D:" Yelled ArcadePaw. He did not recieve a response. "Well, I guess CrossPaws being murdered. What now?"
The deputy entered the den. "Okay everyone time to get up- oh youre already awake? Okay Then O_o"
"CrossPaws being murdered so i don't know if he can be trained today."
"CrossPaw, please stop being murdered."
The apprentices eyes snapped open. "Ugh. Fine." He got up. "Do I really have to train with this KITTYPET?"
"Not today, no." Replied ColorFulFoot. "But eventually you are going to, and i'm going to hope you've learnt to respect your clanmate by then." He tuend over to FrostedPaw. "FrostedPaw, you come along with me so i can introduce you to your rest of you go find your mentors as well."
The apprentices all left then den and went to their respective mentors except FrostedPaw who followed ColorfulFoot. They waked over to the warriors den where a orange and red molly with angel wings and a silver cat with green blue gradient paw tail and ear tips and had glasses were talking. FrostedPaw couldn't really make out all of what they were saying but caught a bit of it.
"Does he know about this?" Meowed the silver cat. The other simply shook her head no. "Then we're going to make sure he never finds out."
"But wait... Can't he hear us at any time?" asked the flame colored one, concerned.
"Oh trust me. I've made sure he can't. Though that being said, I do believe someone else is listening in right now." they turned to face ColorFulFoot and a now alarmed FrostedPaw. "Hello, ColorfulFoot. -_-"
The deputy meowed "Hello, to you too, LightNose. I'm actually here for Angelfire... and... hey wait whats with that look O_O"
"Eavesdropping's rude, ColorfulFoot. This is basic knowledge"
ColorfulFoot was visibly flustered. "Hhhhh just let me talk to AngelFire please,,,,"
LightNose rolled their eyes but nodded. They padded away with annoyance.
"Okay uh. Now that thats out of the way,,,"
AngelFire's gaze shifted to FrostedPaw who sunk back out of being intimidated. "Whos this scrap? Looks pretty small" meowed the warior.
ColorfulFoot sighed. "Angelfire thats your apprentice. Her name is FrostedPaw."
"Wait, since when?"
"Windowstar did it."
"Figures." the warrior turned over to FrostedPaw. "Well, since your my apprentice now, I guess that means today is your first day of training. For now we'll just be going through the territory but you will have to be prepared to learn about hunting and fighting."
FrostedPaw tilted her head. "What about gaming?"
"What about gaming? You're supposed to be able to speedrun every game in under two minutes by the time your an apprentice here."
ColorfullFoot turned around. "I'll be leaving you to it AngelfirePaw. I have to train my own apprentice too." Just across the clearing CrossPaw was looking anoyted. ColorFulFoot left AngelFire and FrostedPaw.
"So, im hoping you already know the camp itself like the back of your paw." Began AngelFire.
FrostedPaw thought "Oh crap. We partied all night and i barely got to see the camp.." and her face was O.O "Uhhhh um Yeah! Like the back of my paw!" she lied.
AngelFire sighed in relief. "Oh good phew. The less time spent showing cats the secret murder room the better."
"MOVING ON! Time to show you outside the camp." They walked through the tunnel leading out of the camp. "Careful, the tunnel is lined entirely with poison ivy."
FrostedPaw :D "BUT WHY?"
"Its supposed to protect the camp from invaders but. Nobody has been dumb enough to directly attack our camp yet so its just been nothing but a detriment and a hassle."
"I'm gonna be hearing that a lot huh?"
Once they left the tunnel there was a large expanse of forest stretching out in front of them. All the trees were rainbow but they were also dead. There was lots of deadly nightshade and hemlock and hogsweed and death berries and oleanders and foxgloves. There was also a perpetually flaming giant oak tree in the center. "First things first," meowed AngelFire "Apprenties aren't aloud to be here. So what we do is take a sharp right turn and go around the camp.
FrostedPaw cried. "Is this also to protect the camp? I'd say you never need to worry about being attacked ever honestly!"
"Yeah, well, 'better safe than sorry,' i guess."
"Oh im feeling quite sorry :("
They proceeded to walk around DoritoClan camp. Behind it there was a narrow pathway along a stream. But the strean. Was. Blood. "Ok" sighed FrostedPaw with resignation. "I've already become numb to this and I've been here for like half a day."
AngelFire licked her paw. "At least you dont have to worry about us drinking it. Shatterclan does that for us." She pointed her tail at across the Bloodstream. "Their territory is just over there. You cant go on their teritory. (Although that was our territory once..."
"I dont think i'd want to." decided the apprentice.
They traveled down the path. "Make sure to remember the scents because that will save your life someday."
"It smells like cyanide o.o"
AngelFire was caught off gaurd. "Hold on why are do you are all ready know what is the scent of cyanide?"
FrostedPaw thought about it. "I don't know... I just knew it birth!"
They stared for a full moment. Then they walked as fast as possible to get out of that area. "Ok necks up we got the monolith." A giant tall rock with a rainbow glow was in front of them. "We here in DoritoClan believe that it symbolizes Gay Rights!"
"Okay! Hot Dog! I can get behind that! Finally!" exclaimed FrostedPaw.
They moved on. A sharp smell of pollution and evil hit the towo. "Oh Christian God what the frick is that stench?!" Hissed FrostedPaw.
"Ugh, we're on the Sexyclan border... They act like captain planet villains and their leader thinks he's hot stuff. They're our second worst enemy with our first worst enemy being Shatterclan."
"Man a lot of 's' huh" commented FrostedPaw. "But yeah. they sound like tools. Can we move on? o-o"
"Yes." They went to an actually regular looking clearing. "And this is where the apprentices are trained."
FrostedPaw Noticed WrathPaw, CocoaPaw and ArcadePaw doing battle training. Their mentors watched the sparring carefully. She noticed MoonMiracle and Swirlynose and also a long graceful blue to green gradient molly she didnt recognize. "That must be WrathPaws mentore..." she thought.
"Hold on though, wheres ColorFulFoot and CrossPaw?" asked FrostedPaw.
"ColorfulFoot told me he'd be giving him a hunting assignment apart from the rest of the apprentices." Replied AngelFire.
Just then WrathPaw looked over and saw FrostedPaw. "ZOMG HI FROSTY-"
"AAAAHHHHHH!" CocoaPaw accidentally tumbled into WrathPaw and they both collapsed.
"Are you guys okay over there?" meowed ArcadePaw running over. The mentors followed.
WrathPaw shook some dust off himself. "Im okie... What about u Coco?"
"U-um... Yeah," they replied, embarassed. "sorry..."
AngelFire straightened herself up after the incident passed. "Hey, Soulwish, hey, MoonMiracle, hey Swirlynose... My apologies for the distraction, I was just showing my apprentice around the territories."
Soulwish widened her eyes with surprise. "You have an apprentice? They dont look like any of the kits in the nursery..."
"I'm pretty sure ColorFulFoot brought her in from outside the clan. I'm not sure the reason why, but-"
"I can confirm," interrupted MoonMiracle. "FrostedPaw here has played twoleg video games, which is why we believe her to be special."
FrostedPaw blushed. "Im rlly not that special..."
"Everyone's special in their own way." meowed Swirlynose comfortingly.
AngelFire rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, we were oging to be heading near the abandoned twoleg gaming den, then we were gonna head back to camp. It really dawns on ya that most of our territory is a deathtrap when you give someone a tour of it, huh?"
"Ah, have a good time then." replied Soulwish. "...And you'd be right about that one."
"Stay safe! ^_^" called ArcadePaw. CocoaPaw simply flicked their tail.
The others said goodbye and then AngelFire and FrostedPaw left. They headed through dense forest until they reached an odd twoleg monster on a thunderpath that ascended into the sky. "Hop on, Frosty. We're going to mars."
"What the frick is Mars? O_O" asked FrostedPaw as she clambered onto the twoleg creature. Angelfire pelted a rock at a nearby twoleg box-thingy and the monster suddenly propelled with Immense Force. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH" CRIED FROSTYPAWED. Eventaully the monster stopped at a twoleg den that looked old and decrepit.
AngelFire sniffed the air. "...somethings wrong here." she leapt off the monster and strained her ears to hear Shots LMFAO and Dubstep remixes of Gangnam style. "...Shit. Shatterclan."
"Those both started with a sh- sound" said FrostedPaw before being pushed away by AngelFire. "Ouch... What the frick was that for? :("
"You need to get back and tell the others about this. Tell them Shatterclan's on our territory and that they need to take you back to camp. Make sure they know to bring reinforcements."
"But you weren't even done showing me camp..."
"Go!" hissed AngelFire, dragging FrostedPaw back onto the twoleg monster and sending it off. The warrior then scurvied into the gaming den.
Frostedpaw looked at the ground. "I know this is a bad idea but... I have to see..." again Chunky's words flashed in her head. "I just fucking love that taste of adventure..." she leapt off the monster and snuck over to just outside the gaming den. Looking inside, she saw Angelfire. There was also PatchworkPelt TearClaw DiscoWhisker VioletMorning and Sunsparkle. They were snarling at some cats she couldnt recognize. "Those must be Shatterclan cats..."
Listeing in she could make out VioletMorning's voice. "You Shatterclan sicken me! You know this place is holy to us of Doritoclan!"
"Yeah... And thats like. Why we're doing this. Lol." said a cat with a poptart body bright pink eyes which dripped zalgo and a rainbow striped tail. "We've heard about your little doorway thingy and we want it beacause we're just dicks like that :)"
A dark blue tabby tom chunkled. "Heah hea heah... We're evil in case you couldn't tell." He walked outside just to catch a squirrel on DoritoCan territory and then walked back in and ate it. "Fuck the warrior code! I'm now gonna send video footage of me cursing to each and every one of your grandmothers... Just send me their skypes."
"I wanna Fwoop fwoop fwoop but im broken hearted... Cry cry cry but i like to party... To to touch but i got nobody... Here on my own..." muttered a light blue apprentice with dark red eyes and stripes on his back.
"I swear to warrior cat god, sufferingPaw if you keep up with that shit im gonna lose MY shit. You haven't even ever BEEN in a relationship." groaned a green apprentice made of slime. They grabbed a nerf gun and fired it at SufferingPaw."
"FUCK. OW. NOW I HAVE TO ANGST OVER THIS TOO, YOU ASSHOLE. AAUGH."
the feuding apprentices were interrupted by a previously quiet small pink and blue tabby with puffy fur walking to the front of the Shatterclan cats.
FrostedPaw blinked. "Is that the leader of the patrol? But i'm bigger than him..." she wondered.
"Alright, you shits, enough fucking blathering on about pointless bullshit before I tear out your throats, too. Uwu." He hissed at the two apprentices, immediately shutting them up. All of the other cats backed away in fear except for a few shatterclan cats.
"OK I take it back! O_O Also what does ooh woo mean..."
The fluffy scary cat continued. "Anyway, it's clear you DoritoClan cats need this spelled out for you, so to put it simply: We're fucking shit up. Who wants to drown in their own blood?"
It was silent. Then things LAUNCHED! Blood splattered the ground everywhere! Discowhisker pinned down a yellow pink and blue and green tom. "Who's better now, NightCore?!"
NightCore sighed. "DiscoWhisker, you realize that you will never be able to restore your decayed pride by killing me in cold blood. Your honor was irreversibly tarnished the moment I ditched Doritoclan with LetsPlay. For the rest of your life you will be a walking shell of your former self, never to find it in yourself to love your clan ever again."
"..." DiscoWhisker losened his grip and then suddenly NIGHTCORE SLASHED AT HIS CHEST!
"LMAOOOOO YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT! GET GUD BRO #REKT"
FrostedPaw watched in horror, but she couldnt bring herself to do anything!
"FUCK you man :/" said DiscoWhisker as he lost his balance and fell down. Sunsparkle snuck up and clonked NightCore on the head. "Aaaaahh! DiscoWhisker's hurt! D:"
TearClaw hissed to him "Grin and bear it!"
"BUT IM NOT THE ONE WHOS INJURED!"
THEN A GROSS YELLOW BLUE EYED WARRIOR WITH A HEADSET POUNCED ON SUNSPARKLE AND SPLIT HIS NOSE! "HAHAAAAAA HEADSHOT NOOB!"
"Dammit!" hissed Sunsparkle. "How can you look at yourself like you're a cool person when you abandoned your own clan?!" He dodged a swipe from the other tom.
"Cuz i have more subscribers than you... Want to hear me say something ableist?" grinned Letsplay.
"Hm, let me think about it," He hit LetsPlay with a blow to the side. "No!"
Meanwhile, AngelFire and PatchworkPelt were teaming up against the dark blue tabby from earlier. "I'm warning you. I am soooo evil." he smiled. The two DoritoClan warriors in front of him unsheathed their claws. He screamed and ran away.
"That was anticlimactic." purred Angelfire. "Who knew Shatterclan's warriors were such cowards?"
PatchworkPelt flicked his tail. "Angelfire BEHIND YOU..." They turned to suddenly see the poptart tabby, as well as a cloud patterned warrior and a dark blue tom with a weird prism for a head and weird markings LOOMING OVER THEM!
"Shit, how many did they BRING? Their entire clan!?"
Another Shatterclan cat who was bright yellow and blue walked over and said "No. This isnt even half, so im not sure where youre getting your numbers from."
Angelfire just barely rolled out of the way of the cloudy cat who tried to pounce on her. "Damn it... When did Shatterclan get so big- HOW?" While she was distracted, the prism-headed tom slammed his full body weight into her side.
Looking over to her side she saw PatchworkPelt on the ground unraveled. "Im sorry AngelFire... one of my seams popped and i just fell apart :("
They heard a new, intimidating voice from behind them. "The question isn't how or when Shatterclan got bigger...it's why DoritoClan has gotten so small."
"Oblivionstar..." mewed AngelFire in fear.
"Face it, she-cat. DoritoClan has fallen from its former 'glory,' and now you're all hanging on in denial. You're all just hoping and praying for a door out that will never come. The doorway to desire isn't real. We're doing this just to prove that fact."
"Fucking bastard- I have a name, you know-!" she stopped her sentence as she felt claws begin to sink towards her throat.
PatchworkPelt whimpered. "Youre just bullying us for no good reason... You just admitted it... :c"
Just then, AngelFire's eyes widened as she caught a glance of white fur through the windows of the den. "...fucking seriously." she mumbled.
Oblivionstar leaned in closer and smugly said "What was that? Couldn't hear you through your unending terror."
Angelfire THREW the cat who was pinning her into a wall. "I SWEAR TO WARRIOR CAT GOD FROSTEDPAW I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU"
"Oh fuck" FrostedPaw had made a mistake.
"DORITOCLAN, SURRENDER" YOWLED ANGELFIRE.
Sunsparkle, who'd finally fended off Letsplay blinked. "Wait youre not the leader of this patrol,-!"
"I AM NOW!"
"Not gonna argue with that O_o" He grabbed DiscoWhiskers scruff and ran from the gaming den. The rest of the DoritoClan cats followed suit, making sure to rescue the injured.
As the defeated cats returned to camp, AngelFire did not look at FrostedPaw. "One day," she hissed. "You've been an apprentice for one day."
Oh no. That turned out shitty huh. Well manlets COMMENT.